Holiday Stress? Niro Feliciano Urges ‘Connection Over Perfection’ to Find Calm

The holiday season can feel like a whirlwind of tasks, gifts, and expectations, leaving many wondering if they can truly relax and enjoy time with family. Psychotherapist Niro Feliciano, a main contributor to TODAY, argues that the pressure to make everything perfect is a major source of stress. She proposes a simple yet powerful shift: prioritize connection over perfection.

The Holiday Stress Trap

Feliciano observes that during the holidays, people are so occupied with doing and decorating, buying and baking, that they rarely have the time or energy for real connection. She writes that the constant focus on flawless celebrations can become overwhelming. The result is a disconnect from the people they love.

Feliciano’s Mantra

Her mantra, ‘Connection over perfection’, is the centerpiece of her new book, ‘All Is Calmish’. She says the phrase guides her throughout the season. By keeping those three words in mind, she finds she can let go of less important things quickly.

Research Behind Connection

Feliciano points to abundant research that shows the benefits of meaningful social connection for overall well‑being. She cites the Harvard Study of Adult Development, an 85‑year‑old study that tracks relationships and health outcomes. One finding from that data shows that feeling satisfied with relationships at age 50 is more strongly linked to good physical health at age 80 than cholesterol levels. She notes that many Americans are experiencing loneliness, which can lead to depression, heart disease, and dementia.

Practical Tips for the Season

Feliciano’s first piece of advice is to slow down and choose specific moments during the holidays where you can prioritize connection over perfection. For example, she advises setting out platters for an event instead of preparing an elaborate meal, allowing time to enjoy company rather than fuss over food. She encourages readers to decide what matters most and what brings joy during the holidays. Her own favorite activity is the annual white elephant game with close friends, because it fosters laughter and genuine connection through vulnerability.

Key Takeaways

• Prioritize connection over perfection during the holidays.
• Research shows strong links between relationship satisfaction and long‑term health.
• Simple actions, like sharing platters and low‑pressure games, can deepen meaningful bonds.

The article first appeared on TODAY.com, where it was accompanied by related stories on holiday weight gain, setting boundaries, and stress‑free hosting. By embracing a holiday season that prioritizes human connection, individuals may find that the holidays become less stressful and more joyful.